Friday, January 20, 2012

lactose intolerance

really? why?
Tonight I am mourning the loss of a beloved and dear friend, whole milk.  I loved whole milk probably my whole life (well except that time I was hitting the bottle hard in infancy)

Lately though I've noticed that whole milk doesn't seem to like me back, like at all.  We became a sort of "friend-enemy".  As is I still wanted to be friends and hang out and whole milk wanted to stab knives in my intestines and make my pants not fit.  Not cool whole milk, not cool at all.

So doing what any 21st century girl would do, I Googled that shit.  I was wary of WebMD because I didn't want to be convinced that my seemingly sudden intolerance to milk was cancer..because somehow it's always cancer when you go to WebMD.  So after some extensive internet research that took several hours (and probably a few pictures of Robert Pattinson to my Pinterest) I decided that I was lactose intolerant.

I won't bother getting technical as you can Google as well as I can..or maybe not..I'm pretty awesome when it comes to Google.  I am not, however, awesome at digesting lactose.  Can't win them all I guess.

So with this new found knowledge I started a quest to find a milk that wouldn't send me into a cramp-y and bloat-y hot mess.  Soy and Almond creeped me out the most.  I have never looked at either a soy bean or an almond and thought " I bet the juice extracted from that would be delicious with a cookie!"..ever.  And I was right, both were gross.  ( to me at least, don't leave hate comments..)

Tonight though I think I finally found my winner.  I broke over and purchased organic, 2%, lactose free milk.  The 2% alone makes me feel like crying.  I was happy to see that this milk actually looked like milk..not a pale shade of brown.  And even more happy that upon tasting that it TASTED like milk!  Like actual fatty fat non 2% milk!  An hour later and my tummy seems happy.  Bingo!

So farewell whole milk!  No longer can you stab my intestines with your hurtful lactose!

Having turned 29 last week and 2% lactose free milk this week has me feeling like such an adult.  A lame, lactose intolerant, organic milk buying adult.

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