Friday, July 27, 2012

arachnophobia

my bathmat covered in my nightmares
I killed a spider today.  Not just any spider though-a baby carrying wolf spider.  Yeah, awesome.  Allow me to start from the beginning.

Seth, who was supposed to be in the bathroom doin' his business, came to find me to tell that their was a spider in the bathroom.  He can be prone to over reaction. He's called us in there before on similar matters like the little boy that cried wolf.  I got up expecting to have to remove some type of Grand-Daddy Long Legs.  Only this time, Seth was spot on.  Sitting in front of the toilet, like he (I always assume a bug is a he until otherwise proved wrong, it's just something I do) owned the place was the mac daddy of eight legged beast.

My first girl reaction was to find a way to trap this beast until someone, who was not me, could kill this devil beast.  That's how I roll.  My stance on bug killing this; outside you can live since I feel like it's me that encroaching on you.  Come inside my house and it's game on.

Well spider was a fighter.  He kept running up to the side of the bathtub where I could never get a cup down over his massive, probably on some sort of spider steroid, body.  I didn't want him to get away so I did what I had to..grabbed the Ant and Roach Raid (ants have been brutal here this summer, btw..what's up with that?).

Grabbing can and taking aim I begin shooting a steady stream of poison on this bad boy.  About .5 seconds after the Raid hit the body of the spider shit began to get real.  The spider began to sort of undulate it's body.  I just keep spraying.  Then I notice that the spider is starting to break apart, like, right before my eyes.  I'm still spraying by the way... It's about now that I notice that the spider isn't breaking, but instead that many tiny little baby spiders are running in all directions to escape my air raid (pun intended).  Holy EFF.

The boys are behind me and i'm yelling at them to "move! move! move!"  I'm just spraying poison now with reckless abandon. Mama spider is still shedding babies as she runs around, i'm spraying, baby spiders are running every where.  It was chaos and hell all rolled into one.  I sprayed until nothing moved.  Seems as if Ant and Roach spray is just as effect on mutant spiders too, score!

And because it's 2012 my first thoughts after surveying the carnage is "I so have to Facebook this".  Grabbing my phone, I bend down into the concentrated poison cloud trying to get the perfect shot of dead baby spiders and mom.  I'm not saying I feel proud about it, but it's what I did.  I'm coughing and gagging trying to get these pictures.  I even stopped to turn the vent on in the bathroom..  Pictures taken and uploaded Seth reminds me that he still needs to use the bathroom...a mother's work is never done.

Seth seemed upset about the idea of my having killed the baby spiders.  I think I breathed in too much spray because the only thing I managed to get out was  to sing some of the  "circle of life".  I emphasized  my point by singing the little African parts "ingonyama bagihi ingonyama..."  My lungs and head hurt the rest of the day too.

Freakin' spiders..
    

1 comment:

  1. I laughed out loud and sent this to a number of people.

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