keep you forever

me and a smaller Seth.  

Seth will be starting kindergarten in the fall.  My baby, the kindergartner.  I have some pretty mixed feelings about this and I can tell he does too.  Sure we have gone through this once already with his older brother, but by the time Brady started kindergarten he had already been going to school since he was three.  It was a special day none the less in its own way, but honestly I had already shed my tear two years ago.  Seth though, this is new.  He is our last child and our only child that has been home with me full time since the day he was born.  Well I did work for a while, but his grandmother kept him so he's never set foot in a classroom of any type.  Most days he is ready to hop on that big yellow bus with his brother, other days, not so much.  

Seth spends his day pretty leisurely. He is at least used to getting up early so that won’t be new to him, but the structure of school is going to be a big shock!  I think that Seth's idea of school is a place where you go and play and maybe, if you feel like it, learn a few things.  I've tried to tell him, prepare him, that school is a place where you sit in a little chair and you have to listen and raise your hand to talk and all that jazz.  I'm not sure how well all the information is sinking in most of the time.  I know he will learn soon enough, all be it probably the hard way that I meant what I said. 

Other days he is glued to my side.  My shadow.  He tells me that he wants to keep me forever.  This singular phrase explodes my heart every time.  I want to be able to tell him that he can stay with me here at home forever.  I can’t of course.  One day I did though.  I asked him to stay little forever and stop growing so fast.  That I was going to miss him when he started school.  Seth, my little old soul, did not humor my moment of weakness.  Instead he puts his little boy hands, that were probably sticky, on both sides of my face, and with an expression so serious that it should not and could not belong to a four year old boy looked me straight in the eyes and says "But mommy, I have to go to school.  I have to learn!"  I cannot argue with him.  He's right, of course he's right.    I pull him close for a big hug and to also give myself a minute to compose my face.  I want to laugh and cry, but know that neither is a good idea. So I just hug him tighter.  

I hope his future teacher is able to see Seth for the amazing little person he is.  That this person will have patience and understanding when he tells her she’s wrong and goes on to explain why.  That she allows herself, on occasion, to be taken in by those baby blues. Know that he will frustrate you and make you laugh in the blink of an eye. Most importantly though make him want to keep you forever.